Reality...it's here!

I'm a civilian again!

Hooray!

I've been home for a few months now (still active duty, but on terminal leave), and I just got my paperwork from the Air Force stating that I am officially retired. Now I can move forward and try to let the past be the past.

I realize it has been a long time since I've written on this blog. But the last post was all about me getting ready to leave the Service...so naturally, this one is about being done with it.

Now that this one is done...

Ever closer to reality...

I got word back from my case. I am being retired. And I have a definate end date for my service.
I have orders, and plane tickets. So the next time I write in this journal (as often as I do anymore, it's a wonder anyone reads this), I should be on my way "home" or back "home" again. I still put the quotes around the word, because it isn't real, until it is...if you can understand what I mean. I'm excited, but don't want to get my hopes up, they still have their hooks in me until I'm in the air and on my way.



ULI
MADLY
CASH

She Speaks!

I thought I'd update to let everyone know that our little Aurora has become quite the speaker.
She's babled and dabbled with words for some time now, even learning key syllables to songs she hears, but I'm happy and proud to report that she's gotten quite intelligible with some words and phrases:

Mama
Dada
Gama
Gampa
HOT
ICE
Juice
MINE
ALL DONE
UH-OH
Ball
Fan
Please
What's That?
Where You At?
Shoe
HI
&
BYE

This is really more of a record than a post. Maybe someday she'll want to know what her first words were, and she can look at this and know for sure.
(The all-caps words are ones she pronounces flawlessly at 19 months.)


MADLY

HOUSE

Here it is. The new house. Vanessa signed for it yesterday.

Home. It's a word that hasn't held much meening for 9 years.

My heart is where my family is. Home and heart in one place.

Looking forward to it!
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ULI
MADLY
CASH

...and nothing but the truth.

Spent the day cleaning.

I am trying to make up for dissappointing my wife.

I really don't deserve her.


I Love and miss Vanessa and Aurora tremendously!

I am sad.

Vanessa and Aurora left this morning. I won't lie, I cried a little. Aurora has a little phrase she utters...sounds like "Uhhh-huuuunnnnh." I made the sound as I thought about how much I'm going to miss her while I'm here and she's there. I mist up when I think about it. My wife and I have gone through this before, but it's new each time to our little one. I do not envy the Hell that Vanessa will be going through while travelling with Aurora for the next two days. I wish I could accompany them, to be with them, and to take some of the pressure and 24-7 parenting off of my wife's shoulders.

I will take the rest of the day off to be sad, and then tomorrow I will start the massive clean-up job of getting this house ready to move out of.

I miss my family...and as of this writing, it's only been a couple of hours!
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ULI
MADLY
CASH

Nothing to add...

I don't have any more photos to share with you. I'm sorry, this one is just going to be a rant.
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So, Vanessa and Aurora went back to the USA to look at houses for when we leave the military lifestyle. I was the one who pushed for them to go, as I was healing from surgery and not much good to anyone. I also thought it might only be a temporary trip, and once the houses were looked at, they might come back. However, we not only found a house, but we bid on it and it will soon be ours. So...Vanessa (and Aurora) will stay with my parents in Indiana until she can sign for the house. That will make their stay longer than I was expecting.
The lonliness has set in, and I'm really unmotivated to do anything. I should be packing up my stuff, and selling anything we aren't going to keep, but I just can't find the drive to put one foot in front of the other. At work, I'm either bored, or trying to stay far below the radar. I did my job for the week today in about ten minutes, so I'll be hiding for the next three days. Then I come home to the house that holds so many fond memories, but is completely empty - save for me and our pet fish (that will be staying in Germany after we leave). So I come home, jump on the computer to see if anyone is online to talk to, then realize that it's naptime in Indy, and sadly return to the empty house.
I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad or sorry for me, afterall, I pushed for this "separation," but it sucks to not have my family with me. I miss my little girl playing with me, and my wife holding my hand while we watch our little one learn and grow. We try to talk most nights, but doing it online reminds me of being deployed...this feels like a half deployment. And I'm sad.
I know, I know, soon enough I'll be done here, and back with them. Then this will all be just a bad memory and I can start a new chapter in my life...in a new home...
It's just depressing to be me right now.

I guess I'll just have to get over it and move forward...limping all the way.

Happy I-know-it's-an-important-milestone-in-your-life-but-I'm-broken-and-can't -do-much-for-your Birthday to Vanessa

Today is Vanessa's 30th birthday, and how did we celebrate:

Breakfast in Paris?

Lunch in Berlin?

Dinner in Sweden?

NOPE!

Because I am broken (my leg is still recovering from a surgery last Monday) we weren't able to make many plans for the day, so we just hung out at the house most of the day. It allowed us to play with Aurora and I got this awesome photo of her laughing. It makes my heart melt seeing it everyday.

We did go out for a little while, and Vanessa took Aurora swimming. Here are some highlights:

1) Getting excited in the kiddy pool

2) Drinking the water then laughing about it

3) Discovering that what water goes up, must come down

4) Realizing the water is too deep, but walking on anyway (FEARLESS!)

5) Then mommy helps her float in the deeper end

It was a good time!

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

This is why I get out of bed each day, these two lovely ladies!!!

ULI

MADLY

CASH

Photos Update

While I'm recovering from surgery, I thought it would be a good time to upload some photos.

Aurora has grown up in so many ways already. Her little personality grows day by day. She brings joy into our daily lives, her mother and I...smile with us, won't you?

Dreams

I keep having nightmares...about Afghanistan and the bad people there.

It's been four months. Why won't they go away!

New year part 2

Aurora didn't make it all the way to New Year's morning...

...but the next morning, she woke up and was more than happy to model her New Year's outfit!

Happy 2011

Happy 2011 everyone! I've been trying to do this for a while now, but I think I finally got it up. 2010 was an "interesting" year for our family, but the most special thing was watching my daughter grow up. You can now do the same...here's a look back at Aurora's first year in pictures.

Enjoy!
















































































































I'll have some new 2011 photos up soon. Until then, have a great New Years!



ULI
MADLY
CASH