I know...I know...

Okay, so I haven't updated as much as I'd like, and you, my reader(s) have been anxiously awaiting something profound from me.

Well, here's what I've been up two for the past few weeks:

We did the Rocky Horror thing a few weeks back. It was fun for both of us, though the practices left us little personal time. By the end of the show, we'd been practicing every niht from 6-9pm, then going straight to sleep for the next morning. It was all worth it, though. I got to relive my glory days, and Vanessa got to be a part of it all. She really liked the show, and wants to do it again next year.
Last weekend, we went to see the local German production of Rocky Horror, and I was asked to play a part in their cast - as their people didn't all show up. It was my first time playing Rocky, but somehow I managed. There are pictures floating around the internet, but you have to know where to look, and I'm not telling... :P

Just before Halloween, we went to Frankenstein's Castle (yes, it's here in Germany!) to see the "haunts" there. It was very nice - artistically - but not scary. They had some one-act plays that were nice, and their haunted walk was okay...but as an American, I've grown up watching scarier things on daytime television. Many of the locals were scared and running from the people in costume. It kind of makes me lament being such a child of the night. Things like that just aren't enough for me.

The Holiday season is fast approaching, and I think I've done most of the shopping I am going to do. I still have some people to buy for, and others I would like a list of "areas to look in." If I don't have your list, you fall into this category.

Work is the same...pretty much will be this time of year. Vanessa continues to excell at everything her boss throws at her. Meanwhile, I'm stuck waiting for notification of when I'll be going off to class, so I can play Soldier. You'll know when I do.


There's one thing I can say about my lack of updates, just to keep you a little happy. Fewer posts, means things are okay. When I was in Korea, I'd post more often, because I needed an outlet. I don't need one as much, but that doesn't mean I will slack off because I can. I slack off because I'm lazy. And I'm working on it, promise.

Hmmm, what else. Oh, we're having Turkey Day here at the house. I invited someone, and it snowballed from there, so it's going to be a big production. I hope we can make it a good time.

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I've decided to look into hypnosis as a project. I've always been fascinated by stage hypnotists, and I think I could have fun doing it. Not like a Vegas act, or anything, but as entertainment value. I think it goes back to my youth (I want to say 11 or 12) when I was listening to the radio late at night, and the show had a hypnotist that actually did an induction on-the-air. Since then, I've been to a couple hypnotits shows, and even tried my hand at it once in college (I got some people from the fraternity to fall asleep after watching Fight Club, but I didn't do anything else).

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Oh, for all you sports fans, HA HA COLTS!!! Close game, but 2 TD passes in the last few minutes?!?! MAybe I'll get to keep my hair this year.

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So that's my latest update. Life varries from day to day, but usually only in miniscule ways. We did get a couple of ou new "friends" back to church this weekend. That was a mixed blessing. Godd that they got back, bad due to the reasons they left in the first place. We're planning on taking them again next week.

- - - -

Sorry no Vnessa braces pictures yet. Se just found the charger for her camera, and is charging it. When it's good, I'll take a few, and post them - if she'll let me.




Take Care, and see you soon.








ULI

Been gone a while...

Sorry about the hiatus. I've no excuse really. I could say I've been busy with work (which I have), or that my off-duty time has been eaten up (which it has), but the simple truth is...

I'm lazy.

So, here's the update you've been waiting for.

1) Vanessa and I have taken roles in my base's production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I will be revivingmyold roles of Brad and Riff Raff, from my days as a member of the Frank's Follies cast in Indianapolis. Vanessa has been cast as Magenta, so I will beplaying opposite her each night. We practice twice a week at the moment, but starting next week, we will do one per night until the shows on the 19th and 20th. It takesup precious free time, but it's so worth it. The cast are, for lack of a better term, "free." Free like the TNMC was back in the day. I will not take anything away from the original TNMC by labeling this new group as such, just that the feeling of openness and freedom I felt once with the old group, is rekindledwith the new.

2) Dungeons & Dragons. As it turns out, my Rocky Horror group is also a D&D group. Fun, fun, fun. I'm playing again, and so is Vanessa. It's one thingI enjoy...getting to escape the realityof this world, and enter one completely fantastical.

3) Vanessa has braces. Yep, Tinsle Teeth, Metal Mouth, Brace Face, and all the other nicknames...she's got them, and they're here to stay. I will try to get a photo up for you all to see of her "Tin Grin."

4) My bestest girlfriend Rachel (see wedding discussions) had a tragic loss recently. Her Mother passed away. She is taking it better than I would have, but it is still close, so she is full of emotion. My prayers are with her, and my arms, aways open for a hug.

5) I'm sick. Yep, just got sick this weekend, and I'm feeling it. It's just a cold/flu, so I'll be fine in a few days. I just hate being sick, and threatening Vanessa with my germs.


So, there's my update...not much I know.
The Hollidays are fast approaching. I hope yours are all well and fun.
Remember us - not just Vanessa and myself, but all our brothers, sisters, Moms, Dads, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, family members, friends, and complete strangers...each in harm's way, rather than with their loved ones. I know, it reads sappy to me, too, but I just saw an interview with Ben Stein (Bueller, Bueller) about his thought on the war in (insert country name here) and he had such fantastic, andpatriotic things to say. It's important, because he's a political mind, as well as a public figure, so if one mind can look at things the way he is, then who knows how many more minds can get a voice.


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ULI

Back

Well, I'm back from Norway.
It rained a lot, and it was cold.

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The problem with my job, is it's one in which the people we try to film have the option of saying "no." Basically, it's like a passenger telling the pilot he can't fly because the passenger doesn't want to beona Boeing 747. We have the thankless job of asking people to do their jobs on camera, and then get told, "I don't want to be on camera." Even though we work for the same people, they think we're bad guys or something.
We ran into this a lot in Norway. We had the opportunity to tell some good stories about people from different countries working together, and instead, I have to tell the story of a weatherman because none of the pilots wanted to talk. Pilots, isn't that what the Air Force is supposed to be all about, yet they don't want to do their jobs on camera, so we can't do our jobs andfilm it. And youknow the worse thing aboutit? The pilots don't get busted for it, but if we come back and say, "they didn't want to be filmed," WE'RE theones who get the lecture.
Just ranting.

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sorry it's been so long since I posted.
I'll get better again.






ULI

Norway

I'm in Norway. It's okay, save for the incontinent weather (yes, I meant to say it). It rains all the time, with only occassional sun. That's playing havoc with our shooting schedule. But we're here...by the grace of God! We almost didn't make it.

My fellow broadcaster and I woke up before the sun on Sunday, to get to work by 6:00 a.m. so we could pack up and get a ride to the airport. Three hours later, we arrived at Frankfurt Int'l, and checked in for our flight departing at noon-thirty. We ate breakfast, and middled around until time to board. Three more hours later, we arrived in Oslo, Norway. The weather was nice, and we thought this was going to be an easy trip. Oh, how wrong we were. Getting to Oslo, was the only easy thing that happened from there on. When we got our bags (even though we checked them all the way to our final destination, we still had to wait for them, pick them up, go through customs, and check them back in) we went straight to the re-check place, all the way across the busy, football field-sized terminal. There, the ''person'' in charge told us that two of our bags were ''irregular sized'' and had to check in at the irregular baggage handler, back across the terminal. We looked at each other, and then our tickets. My ticket said we didn't leave for an hour, so I knew we had nothing to worry about. That's when things started to fall apart.
It turns out, the original check-in lady we spoke with in Frankfurt, had inadvertantly mistyped one of our tickets. Flight 458 left Oslo at 3:30, while flight 468 left at 5:00. One slip of the finger, and my companion had to rush around, trying to make her flight. We eventually made it to the irregular baggage place, dropped off the bags, and rushed to security. We got through in record time, and ran down the concourse to her terminal. While running, we heard them call her name over the loud speaker, and we double-timed our double-time. We made it to the gate at 3:28, only to find that they had already closed the doors. We told the gate keepers our plight, and they already knew our situation. They asked us to decide if she was to fly ahead of me and wait the hour and a half it would take for me to arrive, or they would try to put her on my flight. We chose the latter. So now we had time to catch our breath, and wait on the flight.
We eventually made our way to the city of Trondheim, picked up our bags and rental car, and got directions to the ferry, that would take us to meet our military representatives, already waiting on us. The problem is, we asked the wrong person. It turns out, there are three ferrys that go to where we were headed, and she directed us to the one that was a two-hour drive from out current location. But, we didn't know that. What we knew, was that there would be a liason waiting for us at the ferry dock once we sailed across the sea. So, we made it across the water by 8:30 p.m., and waited, thinking they would come and get us. We also knew that the last ferry came in at 10:00 p.m. so when they weren't there when we arrived, we figured they were on their way. 9:00 rolled around, and we got out and looked for any signs that someone was coming to get us. 9:30, and I decided to wait until the next ferry, believing that they would come for the last ferry. Nope. 10:00 rolled in, and we looked at each other, increasinly bored, but more increasingly worried that we were in a foreign land, with no money, and no ability to ask for directions. We decidd to wait one more half hour, then just start driving in a direction, and hope for the best. At 10:30, we up and left. Our GPS didn't have the city we were looking for, but it had one similar, so we went that way. Not exactly a mistake, but it was dangerous. Oh! I forgot to tell you, that as soon as we crossed the water way, it began to rain. And never stopped. So now we wer eon the road to parts unknown, in the dark, and in the rain.
The GPS told us how to get where we were going, and for fun, I programmed the voice to speak in British English. I think it got amad at me for this, because it took us on the trip from Hell. Dark, and raining, we drove down curvy roads, all the while hoping we were going in the right direction. After about an hour, things only got worse. The road forked to the left. Left, and UP!!! We were driving up a mountain, and Iæm glad it was dark. What little I could see thanks to the car's headlights, looked steep. But it wasn't until we hit a clear area, that I found out how steep. On the passenger side, there looked to be a foot of gravel road, before a plunge that would make a seasoned skydiver think twice. But we were okay, because at least we could see ahead, and make adjustments for the road. NOT. As if on cue, the rain changed from an annoying spritz, to Heaven's toilet on burrito day. The rain was what we call a 'possum pounder'...heavy, and changing visibility to, well, the interior of the car. Then the road changed, and we started driving down hill. So, it was dark, storming, and we were driving down twisty roads on a mountain face.
Again, by the Grace of God, we pulled it off, and as if Heaven has a wicked sense of huumor, once we hit flat, paved road again, the rain lightened up. We drove another hour into a town we thought was correct...the town, was empty. What do you expect at midnight on a Sunday night/Monday morning? We drove around for a while, stopping at place after place to see if there was any room at the inn, and we would ask directions, or get a bed and ask in the morning. Nope. All closed up. This continued for about a half hour, before I spotted a sign for a hospital. I figured, hospitals don't close, so we could get some help there.
Again, nope. All shut up. By this point, I'd had enough. I was going to break in, and get a couch, or bed to sleep on. I pulled and pulled on the door, but it was locked solid. I was on my way to the nearest window to see if I could pry it open, when a light turned on, and a nurse opened the door. I knew she was a nurse, because she wore white scrubs. I asked her where our base was, and in mere minutes, we had a map. It turns out, we were really close to the base, out of sheer luck. We pulled into the gate around 1:00 a.m.
Once we got in, we asked the guard where our contact person was, but he was just a lowly guard, and lowly guards know nothing. So we went in to a security shack, to see if they could contact someone for us. There's a running word in this post...and it held true here, too.
''Nope.''
We then asked if there was a place we could sleep. The security guard told us of some field tents set up in the distance, and we might find somewhere to sleep there. So we drove on, blissfull that we'd made it this far without incident. We got to the tents, but once there, we saw that they were arranged in some sort of fashion. Not knowing which one to go to, we opted for the first one we saw. I slowly unzipped the door, and saw it was pitch black inside. Then fear overcame my coworker, and she didn't want to wake up anyone inside, for fear they might be a special forces unit, and kill us, thinking we were attacking their base camp. So we turned around and returned to the car. With no other options available, and being dead tired from a day of travelling and death-defying, we slept in the car.
The next morning, we got up, followed a line of people to breakfast, where we met up with some other Americans, and finally were able to get some people to ask questions for us. What happened to our escort? Why was there no boarding available? Where can I get a shower?!?!?
The nice Lieutenant we spoke to, took us under her wing, and had some of her people take us to one of the dorms to wait, as she located our liason. We waited an hour, but finally made our contact. We got our rooms, a shower, and introduced to the people in charge.
It turns out, like I posted earlier, that there were three ferrys, and our person was waiting until 11:00 p.m. for us at the other one. At one point, he even told us he saw us walking around the city by the base, but he didn't know it was us, so he just let us walk around, and leave in a huff.
It was comical, after I'dcalmed down.

So here we are, and we're making headway with our stories. We have gone through a lot on this trip, and it's only the second day. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be.

- - - -

My teeth have begun to heal. I wake up in pain, but 800mg of pain meds, make it feel good for most of the day. Vanessa will be glad at this news, because it's been like walking on eggshells trying to kiss me. If it keeps up next week, I'm going back to the dentist.

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ULI

A Pain In My...

My mouth is still a little sore, but nothing like it was last week this time. I spent Tuesday in a drug-induced coma, bleeding and spitting out blood (you're welcome),and devouring the narcotics the dentist prescribed. Vanessa was lovely, she stayed and waited on me for half the day, but she had to leave and go in to work after lunch, so I watched cartoons - well, I watched cartoons until I passed out, then slept for about a half hour, then woke up and rewound the cartoon DVD because I missed the show, only to pass out again. If it was a TV show, you would have laughed to see it.
Speaking was an issue for the first few days. Actually,Vanessa deserves a degreein foreign languages for deciphering "Meh Eh Heh Eh Geh Eh Eh-Eh?" means, "May I have a drink of water?" Eventually that subsided into talking through my teeth, so every phrase sounded angry.
For the 2 next days I repeated my coma/tv/spitting blood/drink water/medication/coma routine. Then I ran out of both gauze and narcotics.
Friday was not a good day.
I had to go into work because the dentist only gave me a few days to "recover" and work told me I'd have to come in. By this time, the pain had gone from sharp stinging agony every few hours (thanks to the narcotics) to a constant, dull, pulsing pain. I only had Motrin (the military equivalent to "diet aspirin"), so I was almost passing out from it. Somehow I made it through the day (everyone else had taken the day off, so I got to sit alone most of the day - and that was good. I got to sneak little cat(atonic) naps in to help alleviate the pain.

Now, I know by now, I sound like a pansy, and that most people reading this have had their wisdom teeth removed. Well, So What! This is MY blog,and I can whine if I want to.

It's a week later, and the dull pain lingers. At least I can talk now.

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Another pain - not the physical kind - is work. Not the job itself, but something I found out today. I just got back from a trip to Iceland to cover some news stories there, and they're sending me out again. To the same region, to cover pretty much the same story. This new country starts with an "N," to help you geography buffs. I'm not one to complain about getting to see the world, but I haven't had a lot of time with Vanessa, and it's starting to wear on me. I had a week away, then a few days with her, and now another week away. I dunno, maybe I'm just selfish. At least they're paying for me to travel, and I bring back small souvenirs for Vanessa from my travels - nothing too big, we know what that usually means.
Other than that,work is great. I like my job,I like my bosses and coworkers, I like the pace, and the time they give me to take care of my and Vanessa's health. My boss is one of the good ones - so far.

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Oh, I'm getting a new vehicle. We looked for cars a while ago, and before we left for the wedding, we found a nice one. A 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee. We prayed about it, and asked God if we were meant to get the Jeep, to hold it for us until we got back. Well, it was there when we returned, so we called about it. No answer. So we called more, and still no answer. I left for my Iceland trip, came back, and called again. This time he answered, and we got to test it. It's nice. We had a mechanic friend look it over, and most of the things he found are cosmetic, and easily fixable. The owner had even dropped the price about a grand, so we knew it was thanks be to God that he held it. He had gotten a call from someone a few days earlier than us, but the other buyer wouldn't give in to the price (he tried asking for $200 less, and the owner said "no.") so we got it. I'm working on getting insurance now, so I can start driving it as early as Thursday. So, no more will Vanessa have to drive me in to work at really early hours, and I'll get to sleep in if I don't feel like getting up to go work out at "dark o'clock." I will, Honey, but just for those occasions that I don't feel well.

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It looks like I'm headed out next year to the warm, dry place. Not the one we originally thought, but to the other one. HINT? Okay:

"The blanket worn by Eminem's Fan,
The hiding place of a dying man."

Good luck.

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ULI

Toofless

This is my last post with my wisdom teeth. Tomorrow, I am going under the knife (and under sedation) to get my bottom wisdom teeth removed. It's a tricky case, because they came in sideways - that is perpendicular to the other teeth. Also, there is a nerverunningright along side them, that could cause permanent damage to the sensitivity in my lips, or even my tongue. The doctor says there is a low risk of it affecting my tongue, and only slightly larger that a part of my lips will be permanently numb,but the chance exists.
So, by this time tomorrow, I'll be heavily sedated/drugged. I will also be in quite a bit of pain, but hopefully I won't remember it!

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Iceland was a good trip. I got some excellent footage for news stories, and the scenery was breathtaking. My coworker and I took some photos, so when I get my copies, I'll post for all to see. Keep an eye on www.af.mil to see the stories as I produce them. The first should be upin days.

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Vanessa wants me to post tomorrow in my drugged up state. We'll see.







ULI

The land of fire and ice...

I'm in Iceland.
Yes. Iceland.

The weather is crisp and cold (like an Indiana November), but the views are breathtaking. I saw blue water (blue like the crayon, not like the blue-green you typically think of when you see the ocean in America - I'm told it's because of the Arctic ice melts that don't have any impurities), mountains, and even a glacier. I will try to get some photos while I'm here, and post them in a later update.

- - - -

I'm missing Vanessa again, and I've only really been gone for one day. That says something, right? Only four more befor eI get to see her again, but they will be busy days!

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Nothing much else going on right now, I have to work hard this week, and then next week, I'll be out of commission after oral surgery (wisdom teeth are coming out!) for four days.



ULI

A Dream...

I had a dream last week. I felt compelled to write it down.

Now I have posted it, because this blog relays the important things in my life.

- - - -

I Almost Died In My Sleep Last Night
Thursday, August 2nd, 2007 – Lance Heinzelman

Last night I had a dream. Somehow, and some way, I knew I was dying. Of what I couldn’t tell you, but I believe it was from some sort of disease, or it might have just been my time. In this future time (A mere few years from the present day), People who were about to die board some sort of vessel (to me, it looked like an airport terminal, but with no lines and no Homeland Security), to be whisked away to whatever awaits the dearly departed. I remember being very calm about the whole process, knowing that it was just the way things were supposed to be.
In the dream, I recalled some people from my past. The Howells, a family from my first duty assignment, took care of me until I had to go to the terminal. I know that my family wasn’t there – nor was Vanessa – but that could be for several reasons. First, I’ve lived overseas and away from my family for the past five-and-a-half years. I’m used to not being around my loved ones while I serve my country abroad. It sucks, but it’s something I’ve grown used to, though not fond of. A second explanation for why Vanessa wasn’t there, is she has been gone for the past couple of days, shooting news stories in America (I hope she comes back soon!). That could factor into it…but if that’s so, and this was the future…I dunno.
Anyway, as I prepared to board the – whatever – I realized that I hadn’t thanked the Howells for being so kind. As I “knew” the – whatever – wouldn’t leave without me, I went back to find a pen and paper, to write a thank you card. When I walked away from the departure area, all of a sudden, THERE WAS MY FAMILY! Cousins, aunts, uncles; almost everyone on both sides of the family were there. People hugged me, tears in their eyes, and said their goodbyes. My godfather wished me well, My godmother smiled and took pictures through her tears. Aunts cried, uncles shook my hand and patted me on the back, and my cousins came up to me and we talked for a little bit (a cousin of mine (nameless here except for the initial “D”) who was once my competitor and arch-cousin, who followed three years behind me in my trend of being the family “black sheep,” was dressed in a polo shirt and slacks, with his hair neatly combed. Basically, the family told me that he’d straightened up after they got the news that I was “leaving.”). Eventually I came across my Father…my Dad. In an act that can only be described as coming from my heart, in my dream; he came up, wrapped his arms around me, and hugged me. He told me he Loved me, and I knew he did. I even thought I heard his voice crack, and thought for sure, that he shed a few tears. I simply looked up at him, and told him I Loved him, and that things were going to be okay. I then turned my attention to finding my Mom…something that, in my dream, hurt my Dad a little, because I had to break from his hug.
The moment my Mom saw me (I realize now that it was a Wednesday in this future time, because she was wearing all white – well, it was more of a silvery white, but all white – as is her Wednesday tradition), she hit the ground, and began wailing, and thrashing her legs. If anyone tried to touch her to help her up, she only sobbed more, and kicked at them to leave her be. I walked over, put my arms around her, and told her that I Loved her, and that I was okay, “Really, Mom, I’m fine.” I then helped her to her feet, and hugged her more. A small crowd of family gathered around us, through which, my Dad broke through, and our small immediate family embraced for what would be the first, and last time (that I can recall, anyway). Then, I “had” to go. It was time.
I awoke to the sound of my doorbell ringing, my ride telling me it was time to go to work. So I pulled myself out of bed (I had woken up a little earlier, gotten cleaned up, and dressed, but made the fatal mistake of sitting back down on my bed, and passed right back out) and went in to work, remembering as much as I could for the duration of the drive, so I could sit here at my desk, and write the story.

++++++++++++++++

This dream really hit me hard, and I had a few questions, and a few insights about the dream.

- Why weren’t some important people weren’t there?
Vanessa being the first to come to mind. I don’t know where she was. Had she been so grieved, that she went home to be with her family? Was she working, and unable to get away? Had my sickness torn us apart? Or, had she gone before me, and I was on my way to meet up with her? In the dream, it seemed normal that she wasn’t there, like I had somehow known she woudn’t/couldn’t be there.
My grandmother, wasn’t there either. I can rationalize this, by telling myself that it was the future, and perhaps she had passed as well, and was waiting for me.
- My Dad cried.
This isn’t the first time I’ve “seen” my Dad cry. Though it has never, EVER been real, the thought of him crying has saved my life once before. I was in college, and going through a bout of serious depression…yes, THAT kind of depression. I remember thinking to myself what effect my being gone would have on my family. Then I recalled a scene from the Robin Williams movie, “Dead Poet’s Society,” in which a young man shoots himself with his father’s gun after his father removed him from the school, and teacher, he’d become fond of. I remember, that I just couldn’t see my own father doing it. Not because he wouldn’t, but because I wouldn’t want to see that. That haunting thought, drove me to walk to the hospital, rather than do something horrible to myself.
- I was calm.
Something about this is scary, and comforting at the same time. I guess I knew I was dying, and from what I’ve studied (yes, I took a “Death and Dying” course while in college…we learned about death from a sociological, and psychological standpoint. I even got to meet a survivor of the German death camps as part of the class…talk about your eye-opening experiences!), many people who know they are going to die, even if only a few moments before hand, have a calm come over them. They accept it. This is true of some people I’ve known personally. They’ve said they just know it’s coming, and they take it in, rather than try to fight the inevitable. Even some young children with terminal illnesses, have been reported as saying similar things. This isn’t true for all cases (like a Soldier shot in battle, who doesn’t get the chance to live a full life, will probably struggle with the pain – both from his wound, and the realization, that his life may soon be at an end), but it was in my case. I guess I’m glad it happened the way it did. I got to enjoy being with my family, rather than worrying or cursing life or God, for “what had happened to me.”
- Where did this come from?
I’ve had dreams in the past that have come true. I recall a dream from my middle school years (the late 80’s), in which I was in a car (in the back seat, actually) that was driving through a tunnel made by trees. When we drove out, I “saw” a grain silo on the right side of the road in a field, and on the other, a few cement pipes, cut in half long-wise, with the “U” facing down. A few years later, I performed in my high school band, Solo and Ensemble competition (hosted by a different, and distant high school), but my parents were unable to attend, so I had to get a ride back with a friend. I was sitting in the back of their car, paying no attention – as younger kids are apt to do, when all of a sudden, I looked out the front window of the car, and saw that we were in a “tree tunnel.” Then, things got weird. You know that feeling you get, when you realize something? I felt that, plus a chill in my spine, as we drove out of the tunnel, and I looked to either side of the car. There, on the right, was a grain silo in a filed, just as my dream had shown me years before. I couldn’t believe it! I looked to the left, and sure enough, there were the concrete, upside-down U’s. I was floored. And this wasn’t the only time.
I also recall having a dream in high school, about living in a two-story house with white trim. I remember the dream now, as I did the day I had it. I was in a small town, and I was in the back yard, when a young woman came out the back door and spoke to me. THIS dream became a reality when I was away at Vincennes for college, and it was of the house – and person I shared it with – that I lived with for a year while going to school. This was in 1998, and I had the dream before graduating from high school in early 1995.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of crazy, fantastical dreams that never came true, but a couple did. So, I’m a little scared, but at the same time, intrigued.

- - - -

I wrote this last week, and sent it out to a few people to read.

My mom had an interesting, and calming answer as to what the dream might be about.

She thinks that the dream isn't about death, but life...new life.

Because many people in my family and past were there, but not Vanessa, she thinks it means I was preparing to leave my old family, to start my new one.

I hope it was right...thedream really hit me. Here it is, almost a week later, andI still think about it.

- - - -

ULI

Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely...

Vanessa is in America as part of her job. She's flying with medical teams for news stories for the next three days. That means I'll be all alone for a few days.
I miss her.
But, she'll get to experience this in a few weeks when I go to Iceland for my own news story.
- - - -

As promised, I have to give credit for some of he photos in my last update to my cousins, Amanda and Roxanne. Thanks for all the hard work!

- - - -

I went to the dentist today, and finally, I'll be geting my wisdom teeth out soon. While in the U.S., I began feeling really sore, and I found out it was because my tooth was poking through sideways. So in a few weeks, they'll be out.
In addition, I may also be in the market for braces and a broken jaw sometime in the future.
The braces to fix my crooked teeth, and a broken jaw to fix my overbite and "popping" jaw.

- - - -

I don't have much else to say.

Thank You cards are on the way.



ULI

Wedding picures as promised

The Happiest Day Of Our Lives

Lance & Vanessa Heinzelman

July 7th, 2007

Here Comes The Bride

Isn't she lovely? Isn't she beautiful?

All I could think was how truly blessed I was/am.

The Ceremony

Exchanging Rings

Man & Wife...Say Man & Wife! (Sorry, Princess Bride Moment)

Seriously, thanks to Vanessa's Dad, for not onlygiving her away, but for also being our Pastor. It meant so much to the both of us.

You May Kiss The Groom

Lance & Vanessa Heinzelman

I Almost Forgot...The Infamous Bats They tried to steal the show. And contrary to popular belief:

I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM!

Carriage Ride

At The Reception

First Dance

I Want You To Want Me

Cake

Yes, they're Hostess cupcakes. YUM!

Feeding Time

Love Can Be Messy

The Rings

Just Married
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

All photos courtesy of Liz Smith (My Madrina).

See ALL the photos at:

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/pictures?ap=&a=67b0de21b32d02dd8449&pg=4

ULI

Mr. & Mrs. Heinzelman - 07/07/07

WE'RE MARRIED!!!!

As of July 7th, 2007, I, Lance Heinzelman, am no longer single. I married my beautiful bride, Vanessa, at 7:07pm in a nice church in Mankato, Kansas. The church was decorated nicely with many of the toy flowers I've bought Vanessa over theyears (mostly from Japan trips to Toys R Us), And Vanessa and I both had the same kinds of flowers as her boquet, and my boutiniere.
My best man, Tom, flew in all the way from Tokyo, Japan to be there, while my other groomspeople (yes, I had a lady in my line-up) drove in from Indiana. It was great to see them all again, and it meant a lot that they were there to share my special day with me.
Vanessa's bridesmaids arrived late on the night before the wedding, and we were glad to see them. Her two brothers stood at her side (rather than mine) to balance out the wedding party. Plus, I had a woman on my side, so why shouldn't she have a guy - or two on hers?
The ceremony itself was beautiful, but God has a real sense of humor! Right as the ceremony got started, a pair of bats flew into the main church hall, and had people either laughing, or diving out of the way. It was appropriate, becuse the bat is my favorite animal, and even I couldn't have planned it better. The bats landed on Vanessa's dress, took turnsbuzzing the audiance, and even alighted on the altar.
BUT, the actual weding ceremony was wonderful. Seeing Vanessa walk down the aisle in that dress, her beautiful, shimmering wedding gown with a train that went on for miles...that made every little problem we've faced in the past three years disappear, into one moment of beauty. Her father handed her over to me, and proceeded to the altar, with us in tow (see above for bats). For his first wedding ceremony, my Father-In-Law did an excellent job, and only got choked up, when he pronounced us man and wife. I think it was because of the emotion, and not nerves. Vanessa and I took communion, and then the bride finally got to kiss the groom. (yes, we actually had the line, "the bride may now kiss the groom."

From there, we took pictures at the church, then got on our little horse buggy. It drove us around the little town en route to our reception. At one point, the horse was startled by some passersby, and we almost tipped over, but we made it to the reception in one piece (or in two pieces, I guess).
We danced, we greeted our guests (Sorry, Uncle John), cut the cake and fed each other (just a little messy), danced some more, then as the night drew to a close, we left, with people pelting us with birdseed (you'd think they's open the seed packets and throw the seeds, but some people just threw the whole packet, and that hurt a little). And we were off to spend our first night as Husband and Wife.

- - - -

We drove the 15 hours back to Indianapolis, Indiana on the 8th, so I could have a reception for my family, and there were SO MANY PEOPLE! Relatives I haven't seen in decades came out to wish us well. We ate at the Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown Indy. Friends and family from all over (including Florida, North Carolina, and Indiana) all came together, and it was a very nice showing of love. We did another cake cutting (even nicer than before) and this time we got to throw the boquet and garter (in Kansas, so many people had left by the end of the night, that we didn't get the chance). After diner, Vanessa and I took a carriage ride around the city, then partied with my parents, some of mom's friends from work, and Tom, until it was time to go home.

- - - -

So here I am, 30 years old (yes, I hit three decades while in town) and finally married.
I am genuinely happy, and look forward to many years of joy with my new bride. The fact that we've been living together almost like husband and wife for most of that time, really helps us know that we can make it. We've suffered like many couples, and we've gotten much of the early struggles couples have out of the way. So now we can focus on just enjoying the time we have together.

I Love Vanessa, and I hope I can earn her Love back, each and every day. It's not going to be easy. It will be difficult, I will hurt her, I will make her question if I'm the right man for her, and I'm sure at some points, we'll wonder shy we did all this, but through all that, the Love we have, the happioness we bring each other, will see us through it all. Afterall, when you look back, you don't really think about the bad stuff. That's how we are, we remember the good times, and strive each day to make it just a little better, and make each other just a little bit happier.

- - - -

To my new bride:

I Love You MORE!






ULI

July 4th...and so close

Happy July 4th everyone!

While usually, I'd fill this space with something patriotic, all I can think of, is that I have only three more days until I'm officially married!!!

We've made it safely to Kansas, and we're in full swing with the final preparations. Most of our wedding party, and guests will be arriing in the next couple of days. Some of these people, I haven't seen in many years, so it will be nice to have my close friends with me as I blend my past and future together in one shining moment.

Vanessa's parents have been great; taking us around and getting us where we need to be to take care of the final pieces. I anxiously await my parents, family, and friends making the trek from Indiana and Florida. Maybe even some friends from the military will show up, and that's on a global scale. It just goes to show how many lives you touch, when people from all over come together to share in your special day.

So, Happy 4th of July...fireworks, food, friends & family...but more importantly...


3 more days!






ULI

it's about time!

Well, it has taken several years, and many, many hard lessons learned, but as of June 15th, 2007, I AM OUT OF DEBT!!!!!!!!!

I know now that the errors of my past can have serious consequences on my future, and that's not a gamble I'm willing to take.

And it's just in time, too, as I always said,I wanted to be out of debt before starting a family. In just a couple of weeks, I WILL be starting my new family!

- - - -

I just found a site, sponsored by the movie, “Evan Almighty,” (the sequel to Bruce Almighty) that allows you to plant a cyber tree in your – or someone else’s name.
If you plant a tree, they will feature your name on the Evan Almighty DVD (I’m guessing in the bonus features, they will have a virtual walk-through of the trees people planted).
It’s $5.00 per tree if you’re interested.

Here’s mine:
http://www.getonboardnow.org/forest.html?deeplink=1.36.11

Here’s one I did for Vanessa:
http://www.getonboardnow.org/forest.html?deeplink=1.36.10

And one I did up in memory of my aunt, Adela:
http://www.getonboardnow.org/forest.html?deeplink=1.36.17

They are all in a single block of trees on one continent (if you go to the virtual forest, they are in the upper right island, in the bottom right area.)


Take a look around the forest, and if you’d like to add your own, do so before they’re all gone.









ULI

Prayers Please?

I received a phone call from my Mom this evening. She was sobbing, and could barely get out that her sister, my aunt, Adela,had passed away. Many of you who read my blog, also read the responses. Adela (a.k.a. Antipasto) wrote many responses...to almost every blog entry. So this entire entry is dedicated to asking you, therest of my readers, for prayersfor my family as we grieve her loss.

My Mom is trying to get to Florida to bewith her family even asI write this (7:30pm Germany Time). Please send thoughts, prayers, or whatever you do to acknowledge grief her way.

I will not fill up any more space writing about my troubles or accomplishments today, or for a while, as my family is more important to me.

You can visit some of out family blogs and livejournals at the following pages. Leave a message of support, if youfeel compelled.

Tim: http://www.postrockalypse.com/timdemattio/index1.html

Amanda: http://tink00.livejournal.com/

My Mom: http://bebaskid.blogspot.com/

I will simply say that I Love You Adela, wherever you are. The world will be less interesting without you.

As she often said, "Chow Mein."

Adela DeMattio

1956-2007

http://scorpio56.livejournal.com/ http://scorpio56.blogspot.com/

Thoughts

So I’ve been in Germany for a month now, and things are going okay. The home life is very nice. Vanessa and I are anxiously awaiting going home to get married. We’re even in pre-marital counseling, to help strengthen our relationship. The Chaplain we’re seeing says we’re way ahead of most couples he sees, because we’ve been with each other for so long already. We have a strong foundation, and we really know what we want. It’s just working out the little bugs, just like in any relationship, that we will work on for the rest of our lives.
At work, I’m either really busy, or sitting on my hands, waiting to be busy. When I first got here, I spent a week watching other people work. The next week, I was up at 4:00 in the morning for three days, to shoot video for a single story. Then more sitting and waiting, then last minute shoots due the next day. Even this weekend, I spent all day Sunday at work, and even spent the night to get a project out by Monday.
((Sorry Dad, I wanted to write a note, or call to say Happy Father’s Day…but I was bogged down…so here’s your note))

I realize that I’m not very good at being a news man. I spent my first tour in the Air Force as a news reporter, and got functional at it. But, I wasn’t good. And as you know from my posts in Korea, I wasn’t very happy about doing news there. The focus was on quantity, not quality, and I spent many, MANY long hours working on my stuff to make it above average. Now that I’m here, I realize just how pathetic I am at news. I’ve been on two solo shoots, and each one has been riddled with difficulty for me. I’m bad at planning, bad at shooting, bad at lighting, and bad at storytelling. Once I get the footage back, most of the time, it’s got something wrong with it. Then I try to put together a news story, and all my efforts get tossed in the trash. It’s not them, it’s me…I know. I’ve been doing this job for five years now (well, news for two of the five), and I’m just not as skilled as I should be. I can understand small problems, but so far, there have been big ones. Vanessa thinks it’s because I have to get back in the swing of things, but I feel like it should be like riding a bike. I mean, I haven’t forgotten how to shoot, or how to use lighting, or how to put stories together. I’m just finding it difficult.
It’s at those times, when I begin to rethink my decision to be a military broadcaster. Yes, I said it, I’m beginning to rethink things.
I joined this career field, with the aspirations of working in radio. I’ve been given the chance to do so at other locations, and I adored it when I got the chance. But here, there is no possibility. There isn’t a radio station here. The closest one, is where Vanessa works, and that would create a huge conflict of interest. But I asked God to get me here, and He did…I asked to be close to Vanessa, and I am, so is it really worth complaining about? I know it’s only momentary, and that I will get better (or not, and be ridiculed) and I’ll start to mesh, it’s just right now, I’m unsure of myself, and that leads me to be unsure of my plans.
Vanessa is also thinking about changing careers…She’s looking into becoming an officer, once she earns her degree. I fully support that decision. It might mean that we have to make some changes (I may have to leave the service, because of the “fraternization” rule forbidding enlisted and commissioned relationships) or it might not. It’s up in the air…and we have some time to think about things before that’s a possibility.
Another ting we’re thinking of is children. Eventually we would like to have children, and I would like for one of us to be there for the child in his/her first couple of years of development. That would mean that one of us would leave our job, to stay home. As Vanessa is higher rank, it is logical that she stay at work, and I stay at home, but emotionally, the mother-child relationship is the most impacting (after all, mom does the feeding for the first months of life). So I don’t know.
Maybe I’m just unsure about things, and feel like running…maybe I’m hearing a call to do something else…and maybe I’ve just tricked myself into doing something with my life, that I was never really good at before anyway. All the same, these are the thoughts running through my head.

- - - -

On a lighter note; I’ve finally gotten in touch with all of my groomspeople. Jason and Martin know what’s going on, Rachel is overjoyed to be with us, and Vanessa’s two brothers are on stand-by in Kansas and Missouri, as my final two groomsmen.
I want to take special time out to say thank you to everyone who has put time and effort into helping me plan and coordinate the reception. From decorations, to meal choices, to ordering the “cake” and toppers…for everything, thanks.

- - - -

I will be going on assignment soon (can’t say where, but it’s not a far away desert) and for the weekend. I will return next week.

If you have any unanswered questions, remember to write, or call.

At present, there are 24 days, 14 hours, and 36 minutes until the wedding:

http://www.timeanddate.com/counters/customcounter.html?month=07&day=07&year=2007&hour=19&min=07&sec=00&p0=249


Can’t Wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



ULI

One month to go!

I have exactly 30 days to wait until I'm a newlywed!

Vanessa and I are eager to get our leave signed and plane tickets picked up. I hope to see many of you (my loyal readers) at the wedding, or at least at one of the receptions.

- - - -

Welcome to my newest readers, Jason and Franklin. Good to hear from you, and I hope to see you soon. If you don't know much about how I communicate through this blog; if you post, I try and say hello, andif you ask a question, I will try to respond to it in the next blog. That, or email.

- - - -

I got some GREAT news yesterday. As of mid-June, I will finally be debt free. Thank God, and the people that have helped me along (Mom & Vanessa especially). Now I can finally feel comfortable starting a family (and just in time!).
If anyone else is having debt struggles, I can't offer much advice...except to say, look into Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University." Google it. It taught me a lot, AND, Vanessa and I have both gone through it, so we have common knowledge, and common goals.

- - - -

I've been answering a lot of questions about the wedding lately, so if you have any for me, please email them to my personal or work account. Mom, keep the calls coming.

- - - -

That's all for now, my faithful readers, family, and friends.
I really do hope to see you all again very soon!






ULI

What's new?

Hello All,
Sorry it's taken me a while to post...I have no good excuse.
My work computer doesn't let meon Blogger, as you know, but to be honest, I've left my laptop alone for a while, as I've goneto bed really early,or very late recently.

Last week I spent themajority of my time trying to learn the "system" my new station uses to put together news.

Vanessa and I went on a couple of trips this weekend. We got to visit one of the oldest cities in Germany, and toured the Medieval Crime & Punishment Museum. We also got to take another Ren-Fair trip. This time there was a joust. We're slowly piecingtogether a costume for me.

We had some friends over for a pool party/cook out over the long weekend. It was great! It started out small and casual - we opened the pool, had a friend grill for us, and played games into the late hours.

All-in-all, it was a great weekend.

This week will be more interesting.

This update is kind of lame...I know...but to be honest, I like the slow pace.
It's the calm before the storm.

. . . .

The wedding is just over a month away. I can't wait!
If anyone has questions, please send them to my work account.
Vanessa and I plan to start our pre-marriage counselling soon.

- - - -

I also want to say hello to my new reader, Jason. Long time no see/hear...hope we can fix that!



36 DAYS!






ULI

UPDATE TIME - It's About Time!

First off, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.
We don't celebrate it much in my family, but I wanted my Mom to know I didn't forget.

- - - -

I'm here in my new country. It's SOOOOOOOOO nice to be out of Korea. I will have a new set of challenges to meet and overcome here, but Vanessa is by my side, so I can accomplish anything with her and God.

Germany is a beautiful country. From the airplane ride in, to the drives through the countryside, it is postcard beautiful. Even on the rainy days.

My office is nice...I've worked with about 1/4 of the people in my office already, so it's nice to have that friendly environment...my boss is a great producer, too, so I'm looking forward to learning more about my craft.

This email is sounding pretty optimistic. That's probably because I have only just gotten up and running. Time will tell if this will be a great assignment, or a good one, or a "growing experience" like Korea was. That's what I tell people when they ask me how I liked Korea...it was a "growing experience." I don't want to bad-talk it, because MY experience is unique to me, and no one will have one like it.

But enough about that.

I'm here now, and will be for a long time.
Here's to the future!

So, I should be better about blogging again. I keep my laptop handy (either by the TV, or by the bedside) so you, my readers, can expect to know more about my life day-to-day or week-to-week.

- - - -

No more counting days to leave Korea...so should I start counting the days until the wedding? I know everyone else is. :)



ULI

My Last Day!

Well, it's been a long time in the making...a year to be exact, but I had m last day of work at AFN Korea today.
I got to have a farewell show - though I mostly sat back, and let the new guy take the controls...mostly.
Then my office held a going away lunch for the three people leaving this/next month. I got quite a few compliments, and even felt a little, like some of the pain was worth it. But then I came to my senses.

I'm not going to say that my time here was miserable. At times, yes, and at others, unbearable, but I think there were moments, that I actually liked working here. For example, when the offic moved me to radio - oh, wait, I had to seriously injure myself for that to happen...well, there was the time I got to be part of a 4-Star General's enterage for a few days - oops, ordered to do that, plus anchor and put together stories at the same time. Okay, I got to shoot some great video of a Star Wars exhibition, and got prise, and even gifts from George Lucas for it. That was nice.
Okay, so I spent 89% of my time here, counting down the days until I could leave. At least that's almost over. Now I get to spend my time getting my things together to ship to Germany, and Vanessa.
She, I have to remind myself (VERY OFTEN), is the reason I came here in the first place. I wanted to be with her, and I knew getting this assignment almost guaranteed that. Through the contacts I made here, and the dedication of a few people that worked hard for me, because the saw that I worked hard for them, I am now heading to the Fatherland, to be with my beloved!

I'll be honest, this year could have been better for the both of us. We went through a lot of tests and trials, as we tried to keep a long-distance relationship alive. We had ups, and downs, we had highs and lws, and even momens of doubt. But so far, we've survived. We understood that i we can make it a year apart, we can make it a lifetime together.
I have to give Vanessa a lot of credit. There have been times when she could have cashed in her chips, and said it's too hard, or we're too far apart, or we're not connecting...or a host of other tings she could complain about, and be justified in doing so. But, she's stuck it out with me, through everything...the late nights, the days without phone cals, the poverty-induced woes, the verbal tirades because of work, the frustration with my superiors, the misunderstandings, the arguments, the uncertainty, the...well, you get the picture.
She's who I want, now and forever. I can write it so eloquently. She makes my life compete. She brings me up when I'm down, she shows concern when I'm sad, she is my shoulder when the depression hits, and she's there to share in my joy, when I'm happy. To be honest, most of the time I'm happy because of her. There have been days, where her calling me to simply say, "I Love You," has icked me up just enough to help me make it out the door in the morning. There have been other times, when not hearing from her, has caused me to doubt myself. She's my bright, shining star, in the darkness that is Korea.

I'm not sad at all to leave here. Mostly, as you've read, because I am getting away from somehting that hurts, and going to someone I Love. But in addition, it's because I never felt, "at home" here. It was always a place I "have to be,"not somewhere I'd "choose to spend my time."

I'd like to thank a few people publicly...for helping me make it through these past 12 months:
God - for being there in my times of ned, for answering despirate prayers.
My Parents - I've grown by leaps and bouds this year, and I've learned a lot about family. I've known it, but I realized it this year, that family has to come first. Your job doesn't care what happens to you. I've also gained a lot of respect for them, as they've both given me inspirational words at just the right time. They're always there for me, though I hate to fall back on the help.
Vanessa - read above, and so much more!
My Commander - for helping push my paperwrk in the right direction to get me out of here and into Vanessa's arms again.
My in-laws (soon to be) - for raising their dauhter with so much Love, that she radiates with it. For teaching her about family, and friendship, and to hold on with both hands to both.
My few friends - they kept in touch, even over long distance, and bringing a slice of home to me in a land so far from home. I've felt forgotten before, and I've been forgotten. It's nice to be remembered once in a while.
The troops that stuck it out - they stayed the distance right beside me on some of the long work nights. Your dedication to a craft that isn't even your own, is commendable, and respected.
The troops that failed - for helping push me into the position of NCO, rather than letting me believe that everyone s generally good. For teaching me that sometimes a piece of mpaper is all I need to get a point across...or for teaching me about respect, and what it feels like to lose that respect.

That's going to do it for this blog update. I'm tired, and it's almost time for me to hit the sack. I have a lot of cleaning and packing to do tomorrow. 14 Days!






ULI

Missed Updates

I haven't updated in a while...too long for some.

Let's see...

April 1st was my parent's 30th wedding Anniversary. I know this, because I turn 30 this year as well. You do the math. :) So, Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Where's the gazeebo?

- - - -

I am almost out of here...I have 21 days left on the Peninsula, and 7 more days of official work.

- - - -

The wedding plans are getting more and more solidified. My best man (who apparantly just found out he IS the best man) is getting ready, and my Horesemen want to be there. I'm still doing my best to contact them, to give them the schedule, but they aren't the best at checking or responding to email.
So far, my list of groomsmen(persons) is:
BM: Thomas Knox
GM: Jason Mermoud
GM: Martin Hedden
GM: Robert Dempsey
GM: Russell Dempsey
GW: Rachel Sipes
Yes, there's a woman on the groom's side, because she has been a long-standing friend of mine, and I would really feel honored for her to be there.

- - - -

I'm back on-the-air doing radio shows for my last week here. I don't think I'll get a "Goodbye" show, but then again, I don't care. Once I'm done here, I won't get to do radio again until after Germany.

Speaking of Germany, the personnel office messed up my orders (tones of Japan) so I have to wait longer for them, which means I'll have to pull things together last minute to get out of here on time. Good thing I'm a good procrastinator...it prepares you for this kind of thing.

- - - -

If you don't know, Vanessa has some health issues, and is doing what she can to take care of herself, and get them figurd out. Read her blog to find out the details.
She's going to be on a new diet, which means I'm going to be on a new diet once I get to Germany...but it will robably be for the best, as I can't seem to stop gaining weight here.

- - - -

I'm dog-watching this week. Some "friends" asked me to sit their puppy, after we were in the same financial management class. They recognize that I need some extra money, and this was their way of helping me get some. So, I go to teir house after work every day, and feed/walk/clean-up after the dog. It's not bad, and it's $100 I didn't have last week.

- - - -

My next post should be full of either excitement or anxiety, as I will be on my way out the door. I will lose my internet and phone on the 17th (16th for those of you reading this). My cell phone will be active until I leave, so plese call that to reach me, or try me AOL account - I will do what I can to check that regularly until I update this with my new contact information.




21 Days!!!





ULI

Missed Updates

I haven't updated in a while...too long for some.

Let's see...

April 1st was my parent's 30th wedding Anniversary. I know this, because I turn 30 this year as well. You do the math. :) So, Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Where's the gazeebo?

- - - -

I am almost out of here...I have 21 days left on the Peninsula, and 7 more days of official work.

- - - -

The wedding plans are getting more and more solidified. My best man (who apparantly just found out he IS the best man) is getting ready, and my Horesemen want to be there. I'm still doing my best to contact them, to give them the schedule, but they aren't the best at checking or responding to email.
So far, my list of groomsmen(persons) is:
BM: Thomas Knox
GM: Jason Mermoud
GM: Martin Hedden
GM: Robert Dempsey
GM: Russell Dempsey
GW: Rachel Sipes
Yes, there's a woman on the groom's side, because she has been a long-standing friend of mine, and I would really feel honored for her to be there.

- - - -

I'm back on-the-air doing radio shows for my last week here. I don't think I'll get a "Goodbye" show, but then again, I don't care. Once I'm done here, I won't get to do radio again until after Germany.

Speaking of Germany, the personnel office messed up my orders (tones of Japan) so I have to wait longer for them, which means I'll have to pull things together last minute to get out of here on time. Good thing I'm a good procrastinator...it prepares you for this kind of thing.

- - - -

If you don't know, Vanessa has some health issues, and is doing what she can to take care of herself, and get them figurd out. Read her blog to find out the details.
She's going to be on a new diet, which means I'm going to be on a new diet once I get to Germany...but it will robably be for the best, as I can't seem to stop gaining weight here.

- - - -

I'm dog-watching this week. Some "friends" asked me to sit their puppy, after we were in the same financial management class. They recognize that I need some extra money, and this was their way of helping me get some. So, I go to teir house after work every day, and feed/walk/clean-up after the dog. It's not bad, and it's $100 I didn't have last week.

- - - -

My next post should be full of either excitement or anxiety, as I will be on my way out the door. I will lose my internet and phone on the 17th (16th for those of you reading this). My cell phone will be active until I leave, so plese call that to reach me, or try me AOL account - I will do what I can to check that regularly until I update this with my new contact information.




21 Days!!!





ULI

Just when I thought I was out...they pull me right back in

I'm sorry it's been a couple of weeks since my last post. Work has been rough lately. For those of you that have read this regularly, some of the previous issues have resurfaced.

Last week, I had to formally counsel my Airman (in the Air Force, that means I threatened his career with negative paperwork) for insubordination, and displaying a negative attitude. That took a lot out of me, and I felt so bad that I had failed to give him a good role model, that I had a cigarette. I know, I'm sorry, I broke my resolution, and pact with my Dad. I'm sorry.

The rest of that week, was simply filled with work, and being busy every single day. At last Friday came, and I had the weekend to relax...
Or did I???

I got a call on Friday, after I'd already left for the day, telling me I HAD to be on a news shoot Sunday at 5:30 in the morning, and that it would last all day. Upset, but knowing that the mission has to get done, I accepted my fate, and went on the shoot. Sunday started at 5:30am, and ended at 7:30pm. But, I was promised a day off, for having to work on my weekend.

Then, Monday, my boss (the one I've discussed previously in this forum) decided that, since I hadn't worked on a weekend in a while, that I didn't deserve a day off, and promptly took it away.
She also told me that the leave I requested was denied, because she "really needed bodies" to perform the job ( I had asked for an extra week off to get my out processing done before I leave).
So, not only was I not going to get my time back, I wasn't going to get the time I asked for either...BUT...sometimes that's how life goes, the job needs to get done, and sometimes you have to bite your lip, and do it.
So that was Monday.
Oh, I have to mention, that I failed to do a story, due to the business I mentioned before. In doing so, I further incurred the wrath of my boss.
See, the shoot I did on Sunday, well, it was due next Wednesday, so I'd have time to do it, and do it well, given my schedule. WELL! Since I dropped a story (the FIRST since I've been here), she moved my deadline to Wednesday
THIS Wednesday.
That wouldn't be so bad, I mean, I'd have Tuesday and Wednesday to get it done, minimal stress, and maximum work, right? Wrong! I found out Monday afternoon, right before going home for the day (see a trend?) that I had another shoot on Tuesday. THIS shoot would leave at 6:00am, and not return until 6:00pm. Because it's an order, I have to do it. But that leaves me with only a day to do the news story I shot on Sunday. Oh yeah, the story I did today (Tuesday) is due Thursday. So, I have a day to put together one story, and then the next day to put together the one from today.
I'm not complaining about the deadlines. Would it have been nice to have some time to put together a nice product? Yes. But, I can put together something that resembles a news story in a day, and speed it along for the mission's sake. Then do the same thing the next day.
What's really miffing me, is that this person, who says she is all about people, and wants everyone to have personal time away from work, is not compensating those of us that spend our personal time DOING work. Remember when I used to stay late every night just to meet a deadline? Well, tomorrow might be one of these days. She will yell at me if I don't go home at the end of the duty day. But, if the story ISN'T DONE, she'd yell at me for not getting it done. So, hypocrisy rears it's head again. it only happens in the News department. It's one of the reasons my posts have not been about work as of late, because I haven't been forced back into that world of high stress and no reward...until now.

So, today, I talked with one of my coworkers (he's the one that she made move my deadlines) and told him I quit. That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen, I QUIT! I will no longer put out great news products while I'm in Korea. I WILL do my job,. and I will tell the news story I was sent out to gather video for. But, it won't be spectacular. I've long held a tradition of excellence and pride in my work, but no more...enough's enough. If my boss takes no pride in my work, and readily cuts me down at every chance, why do I bother putting out my best effort, just to make her look good. I will continue to serve as a visible example of excellence for the junior troops to behold, but my work will suffer. I've said it before (look about 6 months ago in this very blog...I had to get a semi-serious injury for things to change), and I'm saying it again. I quit. No more late nights, no more beating myself up to meet deadlines. As far as I'm concerned, the rest of my time at AFN Korea, is just a part-time job. They can write paperwork on me, counsel me the way I had to counsel my Airman, they can even threaten to end my career. I no longer care what this boss thinks.
I leave for Germany in 35 days.
She can kiss my A$$ until then.

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For those younger audience members out there, or for my family and friends that aren't yet into a career...let me say this. I do not condone not doing what you're told. In fact, I don't condone "just doing your job." You can only shine, if you turn up the juice. But, if the people in charge of you are constantly dumping their dirt on you, even as you try to appease them, and make them happy, maybe that's not the job for you. It might just be that boss...there isn't a person reading this, that has gotten along with every boss they've ever had, and the job may be great (in my case, it's one of my passions), but one bad boss can sour how you feel about the job. So, if that's the case, look hard within yourself, and ask if it's something you should put up with, or if there are other things, or places, the could go to.

After all, the colonists only put up with so much...
More tea, your Majesty?




ULI

How many posts am I going to do today?

For all of my family members and friends in high school and college, this post's for you.

Now, I should note that I'm against cheating on your homework...but I'm the same kid that believed that homework was unnecessary in the first place. I mean, I didn't take my laundry to school, so why should I have to take my books home?!? (In all actuality, I took my laundry to the laundry by the pound people, and payed them to do it - tee hee). So, in the spirit of making life easier for students everywhere, here's a little video clip link I found today, that should help you make it past those pesky term papers or book reports, with a little more ease. Check it out.

http://www.break.com/index/really_useful_paper_tip.html

Josh, I was thinking of you when I saw this.
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By the way, three posts ago, I wrote Savez in Venezuela...it turns out the phrase was Chavez in Venezuela, and the feeling I got was one of danger (just like when I heard we were going into Iraq again).

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That's all for today. Promise.

By The Way...

The Michael Godard print Vanessa is searching high and low for is called "Knight Out". It is out-of-print, and very expensive in painting form. Lithographs cost less.

If I know my relatives, though, there are enough artists in the family, and connections out the wazoo, to find it, or something similar. (Know any paint-talented tattoo artists?)

Anyway, this is what it looks like, to give you an idea of what you're helping look for...that is, for those of you that are looking.

Update

Hello, and welcome to another weekly update.

First off, I wanted to let everyone know that Vanessa's necklace (the one reffered to in a previous post) has been found. Miraculously, it was in the garage, under her car. It reminds me of te time I lost a pinky ring, and found it, crushed, in my driveway...but this story has a happier ending, as hers was completely unharmed. Thanks for the prayers...and thanks, St. Anthony.

- - - -

It's time to send out the invitations, so I'm working hard, and sending out the emails to get addresses from people who need to get them. I know not many will be able to make it to the wedding, but getting the invitation is the important part. Of course, those who can't make it to the wedding, should still be able to make it to one of the parties - either the wedding reception, or the Indy reception.
I'm counting on my Mom to have the Heinzelman/Mesa addresses, and I've put out emails to my groomsmen list, and other friends that should get an invite.

- - - -

Vanessa's birthday is fast approaching, and thanks to some quick thinking on my Mom's part, she got her BIG present already. I still have to mail out the other presents this week, so they get to her by her birthday (they were bought WAY before the phone bill, so they didn't cntribute!).

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I have a sponsor in Germany now, so I can start getting ready (even more so) for my next assignment. Any questions I might have, I usually ask Vanessa, but the work specific ones can go to my sponsor, like:
What will I be doing?
What's the pace?
How long after assignments are given, are they due?
Do I have to bother with housing, if I plan to live with my fiancee/wife?
CAN I HAVE TIME OFF TO FLY TO KANSAS IN JULY FOR MY WEDDING?!?!?
and other questions like that.

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So much to do...and so little time...
It's a good thing I'm good at procrastinating. That's a skill that helps you pull things out at the last minute. Though, I'd rather plan ahead for some things.

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There's a chance I will not have a phone or internet as of next month. I want to pay my bills, but if I keep the phone, that's more $$$, if I keep the internet, that's more $$$, and the cable is more $$$...I've already asked for help, but I have to do what I can to make the pay-out as little as possible. I will keep the cell phone until I leave, so I will always be contactable, and I can walk to work to get on the internet for email. I'm just letting you all know, so in case you try to call in April and can't reach me, you know why. Of course, I'm open to other suggestions.

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I have a dentist appointment next week, to fill/fix a cavity that's preventing me from getting my outprocessing done. They'll either fill it, or root canal it. THEN, when I get to germany, I can have the bottom wisdom teeth taken out (I'z a onna talk all funny like, cuz muh brainz is gonna be gone) before, as my dental contact says, they have to cut them out with a spoon. Literally, they'll have to cut all the way around the calcified tooth-jaw combination with a string-like saw, and pull it out with a spoon-looking instrument. Yum Yum. I hope you already ate.

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49 DAYS!!!

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That's it for now, I'll update more as I get it.




ULI!

This post has no meaning

I'm not posting an update...just a few words that should mean nothing.
I heard something this weekend, so I wanted to post it, just to see what may come of it. The phrase is, "Savez in Venezuela." I have no idea what it's supposed to mean, but I got a funny feeling when I heard it.

Hazy

I had the pleasure of working a 24-hour shift on Saturday, so I really haven't been away from work for a whole day since last Monday. I caught up on my sleep, but I'm still a little fuzzy. I don't know if I'm tired, or hungry. It's kind of like taking some cold medicine that makes you drowsy, and then having to work for a whole day. It's hard to focus (my eyes AND my mind), and I'm consciously aware of the feeling.

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THE NEW PLAN

Thanks to some financial advice from one of my instructors, I feel like I can get past the phone bill. I have to swallow my pride, and have Vanessa help me out with her part of it, but I can take some of my emergecy money, and with her paying an equal amount, I'll pay it off in no time. The plan basically declares where each and every dollar I make will go from now on. I'm going to pay off the college loans first - then apply that money to the credit debt. After debts, and the bills I have here, I'll be making enough money to survive on. Not live on, but survive on. But, hey, it's only two months. What this means it, I won't be debt free in July for the wedding. I hate that, because:
1) I didn't want to bring my debt into my marriage. I thought that I could prove that I was "a man" by paying off the debts I accrued while living just for me. I mean, I don't think it's fair to ask someone who wasn't in my life when I went on a wild spending spree, to take their hard earned money, and help fill in the hole that is my financial situation. Plus, it would mark a maturity level with me, so that I'd be more prepared to start a family. I think alot these days, about some words my Father gave me when I got my first check book...he said, "If you don't have the cash to pay for something, you don't need it." Well, (Dad, here's another power point for you) If I had only listend to my Father!
2) Vanessa at one point wondered if we were ever going to get married, and I kept telling her that we would once I got out of debt. At the time, she thought I could keep from committing by not tring to get out of debt. Had I broken down then, we'd already be married, and she wouldn't have any doubts about my committment.

- - - -

I'm going grocery shopping today. I've decided that I will only get fresh fruits, canned goods, and bread (I already have the peanut btter and jelly). I'm really hoping that this new budget will work out for me, and I don't have to visit the fast food joints "around closing time" if you know what I mean.

- - - -

Thanks to Mom and Vanessa for stepping up to help with my budget, and thanks to everyone else who wrote with messages of support, and offers to help. It means a lot. I was in a dark place, and all I really needed to hear, was "things will be okay." But again, thanks to everyone who wrote in to try and pull me up. I'll get through this.

I NEED HELP!!!!!!!

Only God can save me now.

No, I'm not feeling self-destructive, wipe that thought from your head now. I don't plan to do any harm to myself or others.

That said, I'm at the end of my rope, and I still can't see the bottom of the hole I'm in.

I just got back from the phone company, where I learned that they "forgot" to bill me for the past five months. It seems, that when I got my phone "fixed" they gave me a new phone modem, without connecting it to their billing department. So, since I got back from Japan in late September, I've been paying nothing for my phone usage. Well, let me tell you, when I got to the phone company, I was F-L-O-O-R-E-D to find out that they discovered their error, and not only calculated out what I owed, but wanted it at once!

NINETEEN-HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!

Now that's a huge chunk of change to pay all at once, so I sat down and after I composed myself, I asked the phone rep to sit down and go through things with me, bill-by-bill. Well, after four hours of itemizing, and auditing, I found it was only eighteen-hundred dollars (When they gave me the new phone modem, they charged me for cancellation of service, and charged me for a new instalation, even though it was their machine that broke). So, I talked the rep into refunding those fees, bringing the total down a hundred dollars. Still, $1800!!!

Please don't get me wrong, I am not being at all light-hearted about this. It's just that I've had five hours to cope with the fact that I've "called" my way into more debt.

To pay for this, I thought of two options:
1) Take out a pay advance from the Air force to cover the bill, and pay it back through auto-pay for a year.
-or-
2) Pay for it with the credit card.


So, I called the Finance Office to see about getting a cash advance. They told me I couldn't do that until I was less than 30 days away from flying out of the country, wich left me with only one option.But, because I wanted to check to see if I had enough to pay for it on the credit card, I looked online at my CC statement. TO MY HORROR, I found that I haven't even made a dent in my debt in the first place, and now I was going to add more onto it.
I know I've spent some money on the card, but I always thought I was paying off much more than I was spending. Somehow, though, I've actually acrued more than I had when last I chcked the balance.
So, now I have to pay the phone bill with the credit card, AND take out an advance, just to cover the phone bill on the card once I'm 30 days out.

If you were to see me right now, you'd see the look of a man in despare. I have always said that it's my debt, and it's up to me to pay it off. I dug the hole, and no one but me should fill it in. In fact, I've always felt that if anyone helped me pay it off, I'd never learn the lesson about spending more than I have, and I'd go right on doing so. I thought that was a mature way of thinking. I planned to pay everything off by the time I got married, so I didn't hand MY debt to my wife...
.
.
.
.
But now I see there's no way I can do that.
.
.
.
.
I feel so hopeless.
And, so much less of a man.
I couldn't do it.
And now, I'm at my lowest point.
Begging for help.
.
.
.
.
I'm NOT soliciting donations. Please don't think so poorly of me. I don't even know why I'm writing this, except it's how I feel, and this is where I write things like that...no-holds-barred!
I've prayed about this. I've kicked myself for frivilous purchases, or expensive ones for gifts (I'm not sorry for the gifts, or to whomever I gave them, just that I spent more than I had). I've looked around the room at the things I have, and asked myself what I need, and what I could sell to make a buck or two. Let's just say, I've thogught "a lot" of things, and I still come up blank (or unwilling to do certain things).

I'd be numb, if it weren't for this constant ache in my chest where my heart is twisting with the knowledge that this mountain is unsurmountable.

Even if I tok out the advance, and paid my current payment to the Credit Card Company, it would take me the rest of the year to get out of debt...and that's not paying for anything on the credit card, EVER!
That means the wedding will have to pay for itself...no plane tickets, no rings, no flowers, no food, none of it. I can't have my Love pay for everything...she shouldn't have to pay for anything! If I could bring myself to do it, I'd ask her if marrying me is really what she wants, because at the moment, I don't think I deserve her. If I were her, I wouldn't want someone who I knew couldn't take care of themselves. I certainly wouldn't want to pay off their debt with my hard earned money. In fact, I've all but ordered her NOT to give me any money. Like an addict, it's my problem, and like quitting smoking, no one can help you but yourself.

So, here I sit, in my room, still fuming about the bill, but shaking from the realization that I'm worse off than when I started ten months ago.

I want to crawl in a hole and disappear.
I want to wake up and find all this is some kind of nightmare.
I want, I want, I want...
.
.
.
But I can't afford it.

So, getting back to reality: I need help. I don't know how, or where, or when, or why it could come, but I have hit rock-bottom. I've slept outdoors in the snow and felt more comfortable than I do right now. I've lived out of a car and had more room to breathe than it feels like now. The only thing keeping me going, is the hope that it's possible to get out of debt.
Sadly, this means I probably won't be able to make many more long-distance phone calls. Once the payment goes through, I will probably cancel my phone service. I will keep the internet, so I can check email, and use the Yahoo Voice calling feature (If you don't already have a Yahoo! instant messanger, Vanessa and I found it's a great way of talking with each other, that even allows for audio-visual conferencing...for only the cost of your internet connection). I will keep the cell phone, as it is the primary - and most immediate - way of getting a hold of me.
Anything I can do to spend less money so I can put it towards taking a marble at a time out of the mountain of debt before me.

Again, I don't know why I'm writing this, except to maybe ask for prayers (that I know I don't deserve...I AM the one who got me into this, I shouldn't have to ask God to get me out). I really just needed to get this off my chest.

I'm going to go to bed now. I don't feel well at all.

: (





ULI