I can't sleep

For the past three nights I have tossed and turned most of the night while sleeping.


Her tears are haunting my dreams.
I close my eyes and there they are.
Her beautiful green eyes.
Red and wet.
Dripping with sorrow.
Looking at me with a feeling of agony.
Every night I see those eyes.
And I shake myself awake.
Only to do it all over again.

Just about done

Remember that checklist I wrote about on Monday? It's all signed up now. I spent most of yesterday getting moved out of the dorm, and getting various other things taken care of, so it was a mostly down day, but today I finished up my signatures and am ready to PCS. Well, not ready, I don't want to go, but since I have to, my paperwork is all correct anyway. I got my tickets as well. For those of you that need my itinerary, here you go:

SAT. APRIL 8TH

Yokota - Seattle (Leave 3:30pm - Arrive 8:00am)
Seattle - Charlotte (Leave 11:30pm - Arrive 6:15am)

(((THAT'S RIGHT, OVER 15 HOURS LAYOVER!!!)))

SUN. APRIL 9TH

Charlotte - Baltimore (Leave 8:05am - Arrive 9:29am)


So it looks like I'll be in town just long enough to get lost on the way to DINFOS, and still make it to class on the 10th. Class will then proceed until April 28th and I fly from Baltimore to Korea with a 3-hour stop over in Atlanta, GA.

- - - -

Emotions are running rampant. Vanessa is so very sad. I'm doing my best to be strong for her, when I am aching just as much. I know I wrote earlier that it wasn't affecting me much, but it really is. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I tossed and turned and eventually fell asleep around 5am. We went to bed at 8:30! I can't stand the fact that any mention of the fact that I'm PCSing makes her cry, and thee's nothing I can do to stop it. ((I LIKE SALAD))
So, this last bit is for Vanessa.

From the dawn of time man has striven

To find the thing to make life worth living

And I now know this search is true

For at last I found you

And just when I can shout hooray

I'm forced to up and fly away

Forced to watch you sit and cry

As you think about goodbye

No words, no song could take away

The pain you feel from day to day

But read on, I'm sure you'll find

Just one thing to ease your mind

So you know you're not alone

The pictures on the walls at home

Will let you see my shining face

Though I know thay can't take my place

Look at them with memories fond

And remember I'm really not gone

It's in your mind that I reside

And in your heart

My Butterfly.

I know that probably didn't help in the least did it? And now that I'm sure you're crying your eyes out...here's a song that, just hearing the opening, makes me cry too. I'm sure you'll bawl your eyes out, but every note is the truth, every lyric makes me wish I'd written them, as they say everything.

http://bubu.gsg-asia.com/jetplane.mp3

ULI

What a difference a day makes

Today I had the near impossible task of trying to out process the base. I say near impossible, because with more time, it would be easier, but since I received my orders last Friday afternoon, I haven't been able to do anything in the way of moving things along. So, that berings me to today. I have a checklist that every organization on base has to sign so I can leave. This checklist is 7 pages long and needs 3-5 signatures per page. So, all I did today was run from one office to another to another getting signatures and doing my best to stay in motion. A prayer to God had to have been heard, because at the end of the day, I found myself 70% done. The movers come tomorrow, and that will satisfy yet another signiture.
Speaking of movers, I'm getting almost everything I've collected since joining the military packed up and shipped to Korea tomorrow. It's sad to think about it, but seeing that empty dorm room will make me realize I'm one step closer to leaving Yokota. Vanessa was in tears tonight just thinking of me moving things out of our house. Things aren't going to get any better for her, and I hate that she's so sad. I'm also sad that I'm not more sad about PCSing. I know it's only for a year, and I know there will be plenty of phone and email traffic to keep us connected, but there's nothing like personal contact. I mean, we've been together for almost two years now, and haven't been apart for more than two weeks (on leave or personal business) since we got together. We've practically been living as husband and wife (only without the benifits) and that will be hard to let go of - even if it's only temprary. Still, she's taking things rather hard. I encourage her as much as I possibly can ((I LIKE SALAD...inside joke)), but I fearit's not enough. I know it's going to break her heart to have me fly away, and I can't make it better. I feel like a failure as a friend and lover because of it, but we both know it's not going to last ver long. I can always think, "it's only a year" but the truth of it is, two weeks apart already seems like an eternity...what will months do? God, this is so depressing, and I'm not even gone yet.

- - - -

I went to the finance office today as part of my outprocessing, and was informed that i can get a 1 month pay advance to help offset my DINFOS expenses, so I took it. That means the next check should be heafty, and I'll use that money to get through the next 30 days. Once I arrive in Korea, I can pay it back, or pay monthly from my paycheck. It was nice to find that out, since my government travel card was never issued (something about email errors from my squadron to the military card company). So, I'll be out-of-pocket for this whole TDY. :(