So I’ve been in Germany for a month now, and things are going okay. The home life is very nice. Vanessa and I are anxiously awaiting going home to get married. We’re even in pre-marital counseling, to help strengthen our relationship. The Chaplain we’re seeing says we’re way ahead of most couples he sees, because we’ve been with each other for so long already. We have a strong foundation, and we really know what we want. It’s just working out the little bugs, just like in any relationship, that we will work on for the rest of our lives.
At work, I’m either really busy, or sitting on my hands, waiting to be busy. When I first got here, I spent a week watching other people work. The next week, I was up at 4:00 in the morning for three days, to shoot video for a single story. Then more sitting and waiting, then last minute shoots due the next day. Even this weekend, I spent all day Sunday at work, and even spent the night to get a project out by Monday.
((Sorry Dad, I wanted to write a note, or call to say Happy Father’s Day…but I was bogged down…so here’s your note))
I realize that I’m not very good at being a news man. I spent my first tour in the Air Force as a news reporter, and got functional at it. But, I wasn’t good. And as you know from my posts in Korea, I wasn’t very happy about doing news there. The focus was on quantity, not quality, and I spent many, MANY long hours working on my stuff to make it above average. Now that I’m here, I realize just how pathetic I am at news. I’ve been on two solo shoots, and each one has been riddled with difficulty for me. I’m bad at planning, bad at shooting, bad at lighting, and bad at storytelling. Once I get the footage back, most of the time, it’s got something wrong with it. Then I try to put together a news story, and all my efforts get tossed in the trash. It’s not them, it’s me…I know. I’ve been doing this job for five years now (well, news for two of the five), and I’m just not as skilled as I should be. I can understand small problems, but so far, there have been big ones. Vanessa thinks it’s because I have to get back in the swing of things, but I feel like it should be like riding a bike. I mean, I haven’t forgotten how to shoot, or how to use lighting, or how to put stories together. I’m just finding it difficult.
It’s at those times, when I begin to rethink my decision to be a military broadcaster. Yes, I said it, I’m beginning to rethink things.
I joined this career field, with the aspirations of working in radio. I’ve been given the chance to do so at other locations, and I adored it when I got the chance. But here, there is no possibility. There isn’t a radio station here. The closest one, is where Vanessa works, and that would create a huge conflict of interest. But I asked God to get me here, and He did…I asked to be close to Vanessa, and I am, so is it really worth complaining about? I know it’s only momentary, and that I will get better (or not, and be ridiculed) and I’ll start to mesh, it’s just right now, I’m unsure of myself, and that leads me to be unsure of my plans.
Vanessa is also thinking about changing careers…She’s looking into becoming an officer, once she earns her degree. I fully support that decision. It might mean that we have to make some changes (I may have to leave the service, because of the “fraternization” rule forbidding enlisted and commissioned relationships) or it might not. It’s up in the air…and we have some time to think about things before that’s a possibility.
Another ting we’re thinking of is children. Eventually we would like to have children, and I would like for one of us to be there for the child in his/her first couple of years of development. That would mean that one of us would leave our job, to stay home. As Vanessa is higher rank, it is logical that she stay at work, and I stay at home, but emotionally, the mother-child relationship is the most impacting (after all, mom does the feeding for the first months of life). So I don’t know.
Maybe I’m just unsure about things, and feel like running…maybe I’m hearing a call to do something else…and maybe I’ve just tricked myself into doing something with my life, that I was never really good at before anyway. All the same, these are the thoughts running through my head.
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On a lighter note; I’ve finally gotten in touch with all of my groomspeople. Jason and Martin know what’s going on, Rachel is overjoyed to be with us, and Vanessa’s two brothers are on stand-by in Kansas and Missouri, as my final two groomsmen.
I want to take special time out to say thank you to everyone who has put time and effort into helping me plan and coordinate the reception. From decorations, to meal choices, to ordering the “cake” and toppers…for everything, thanks.
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I will be going on assignment soon (can’t say where, but it’s not a far away desert) and for the weekend. I will return next week.
If you have any unanswered questions, remember to write, or call.
At present, there are 24 days, 14 hours, and 36 minutes until the wedding:
http://www.timeanddate.com/counters/customcounter.html?month=07&day=07&year=2007&hour=19&min=07&sec=00&p0=249Can’t Wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ULI
Adela DeMattio
