Just a while longer...

It finally hit me today. I'm leaving.
I know, I know, I've been leaving for a while, but now it's real. The days are both crawling and flying by. At work, time slows down to a crawl as I scramble to get the final things done before I leave. There is a lot to do, and little time. When I'm not running around getting checked off, I'm sitting in my office, alone.
I think that's where I started to feel like it's real. When I was sitting all alone in my office. I looked around and there was nobody around. All day. I felt aloof, abandoned, absolutely alone. I called Vanessa just to tell her I Love her. It helped a little.

Then, when I'm away from work, I don't seem to have enough time to spend with my wife. We have the same amount of time we always have (maybe more, since the sun stays up so much later), but it feels rushed. It feels like we don't have much time together at all. I don't know why...it just feels that way.

I said my goodbyes and see-you-laters to some of my friends/acquaintences today as well. For some, it was the last time I'd ever see them, and for others, we hope to catch up after I return. It was easier to leave some than it was to leave others.

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Vanessa's water works started tonight. She's been a really tough little Soldier (pun intended) about the whole thing. But now it's real for her, too. She just wants this week to never end. She's having a tough time - tougher than me - with me leaving. Luckily, we have some pretty good friends that have told her to call them if she needs anything. From calling up to talk, rant, cry, to coming over to do house/lawn work. Good friends like that help me be okay with leaving. I know she'll be taken care of.
Still, it's nowhere near easy to walk away from her, again.
I know we've been apart longer, but one of the things that makes us the strong couple we are, is that we enjoy spending so much time together, so anytime we're apart, it pains us.

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You'll probably hear from me once more befor eI head out...and then not again until I get set up in my new home. Don't fret.






ULI

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I have a date...

Okay, I have news:

I will be heading for the "beach" in a little over a week. I have just a few more days to do all the outprocessing required, and check on out of here for my "vacation."

It's hard to believe that I've come so far in my life. If I were to ask myself ten years ago if I'd be ready to go to war, I would have laughed at myself while walking away and flashing the peace sign. Now, I'm becomeing a responsible adult (a frightening concept, to be sure), and I'm reevaluating my life day-by-day.

It's hitting Vanessa more than me, but that's because of issues she's dealing with. She called me up weeping the other day because she was losing hope. Her office has taken away everything she uses to get her mind of the fact that I'm leaving: she can't take breaks outside, she can't talk to her coworkers, and she can't even take college classes. I'm a little afraid for her, and I got to the point that I was going to have a talk with her command to let them know that their dealings with her was affecting her in more than professional ways. Plus, whatever upsets her, upsets me, and it won't be good for me to be worrying about her where I'm going.

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I have a mailing address for my "beach house." Actually, Vanessa has it, so if you'd like to send a CARE package, you can (reading material - magazines, newspapers, etc., and personal clothing items - socks, underwear - have been what others have told me they wanted most while there).

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Here's a blind item:
I found out something the other day, that I've wanted to know for a long time, but was never sure how. And now that I know what I know, I have becomea much happier person. You might even say proud. Now, there is no reason for me to feel this way, as I'm not directly responsible for the reason I'm feeling this way, but I'm going to soak this up, and enjoy it for as long as I can. I also feel a little guilty, because I'm keeping this to myself, and not letting anyone know (except vaguely here) what this is al about. I really don't know why I'm even writing about it, but I have a need to let some of it out and this is a great place for me to vent.

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So I'm going to close up here, and say that I have maybe 1 or 2 more posts in me before I head off to sandyland. I should post more often, so my family doesn't worry, and my Love can know I'm okay.

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Keep in touch,




ULI